What I didn't know about becoming "Emi's Mother"...

There are many things people can tell you (or warn you) about before you have a baby... but there are some things that just seem to be unexplainable. The kind of you-just-have-to-have-your-own-experience-to-get-it types. I guess I knew there would be a good number of these types of mysterious parts to becoming a mother, but here's an attempt at sharing one of the greatest lessons I've learned in my first year of motherhood.

I graduated seminary December 2012 and got to work my dream job doing spiritual direction from January until May. Then Emi was born late June and my hubby and I had one month to enjoy our new daughter where we had formed our life and marriage together before moving (literally taking visitors every day so our wide and well-loved community could meet her at least once before the move). One month to the day after she was born, we moved into my parents' master suite and exactly one month later we moved into the home we've lived in our entire time in Sacramento thus far. We left what was probably the closest and best community we have ever experienced--dear couple friends across the street that we were doing life with and several of my closest college girl friends within an hour's drive in any direction I looked. Add to that the fact that I had just finished a degree in Spiritual Formation in which my professors created a beautiful space in which my cohort could connect and get to know one another in a deep and raw way as we learned to become spiritual directors. Those people became so dear to me in 3.5 short years and came to know the "real" and "whole" of who Lindsay is. There is a group of women that I could go to (and still can, thanks to the internet and phones) about deep things of the heart and they listen well and respond with the utmost care and love.

Then I had a baby and we moved and suddenly, my life consisted of taking care of a sweet baby who didn't like to sleep while my husband worked 60+ hours a week in a place where no one knew me. And this was the first time hubby worked a full-time job since we had both been in school our first years of marriage. We thought, "Sacramento is close to my family so that will be helpful," but the closest family is 45 minutes away and I wasn't confident driving my newborn that far (and back) right away to make weekly visits.

So I did what lots of people told me to do (the rational thing, really). I joined a moms group. Everyone says it's easier to make friends when you have kids, so I thought it wouldn't be so bad. But, as sweet as these new mom-friends were, I couldn't shake this deep struggle in my heart. I was disappointed. I still felt extremely lonely. I couldn't go to very many play dates because it interfered with the challenge of naps (now I think I should have gone and said the heck with those naps, but that's in hindsight). These moms were nice. They ooohed and aaahed over Emi and offered to hold her and tried to connect with her and I. But I still felt so empty relationally. Of course, I was texting, skyping, FaceTiming and FaceBooking with old SoCal friends to try to fill my vast need for social connection, but it still wasn't enough and I couldn't figure out why. And my poor husband was being sucked dry by his new job and then coming home to a needy and exhausted wife and baby. Recipe for disaster... or at least the beginning of some unhealthiness in our family life.

Then one day, after a few meetings with my new spiritual director, we stumbled together upon the realization that each new friend I was meeting up here was connecting with me almost entirely as "Emi's Mother" (except one who knew me as a woman in ministry, but still with both of us having little ones, we mostly talked about mom-things... and one other girl who asked me lots of great questions but due to busyness didn't become a regular part of my life). I didn't realize there was anything wrong with this (there actually isn't anything wrong with connecting just as moms) until it finally dawned on me that I wanted desperately to be known as more than "Emi's Mom." Not that being "Emi's Mom" isn't enough of a description for me currently because it sums up the majority of how my time is spent and what my thoughts are consumed with. Her well-being is a very high priority at this time in my life. But I realized that in the challenge of having to make all new friends with a newborn, it was too easy for conversations to start and stop at the mom talk. Conversations rarely ventured past feeding and sleeping schedules and trouble-shooting (important and consuming topics but sensitive for me since I had a "bad" sleeper who didn't follow the oft-praised BabyWise formula). I wasn't having conversations in which we spoke about the other aspects of our lives. Who were we before we had children? How does being a mother become mixed into the other parts of us that are still there albeit more in the background? How do others handle the great sacrifice it is to become a mother and let so many things go in the early years? How do I maintain my sense of who I am professionally, relationally, socially, maritally, etc. while not neglecting the huge responsibility of mothering my little one well? Do other moms experience these challenges or does it come more natural to them? I realize that not all new mothers care to take much time to deal with this and/or that some assimilate their selves as mother and other things more smoothly/quickly/easily than I did (and still am). But for me, I needed to realize that I was feeling discontent in these new friendships because I felt known only in this new awkward part of my identity and that the rest of me (now 30 years worth of interests, experiences, roles, parts of me, etc.) seemed unimportant and untouched. But how can I feel like any of these new friends actually know me if they only know this new part of me? I don't even fully know who I am as a mother yet--it is constantly evolving and taking shape and yet this is the only part of me that seemed visible and interacted with on a regular basis.

And then I realize I have to add the caveat that my experience has been intensified by the fact that I made a geographical move at such a critical time in the "becoming a mother" season. If I had stayed in SoCal, I am confident my experience would have been much different. However, I think I still would have felt the need to explore the same sorts of questions: how do I assimilate who I am as a friend and spiritual director into my new identity as a mother? How do I keep those other parts of me alive when taking care of a baby is at times all-consuming and completely exhausting? But having friends who knew Lindsay pre-Emi would have changed the experience drastically. Sometimes, I mourn not having those friends available for play dates during Emi's early months when I was trying to sort these things out and articulate the deep things going on in my heart. But I know not to wish my circumstances away. I know I have learned important things from having to "become a mother" in this new place. Maybe I needed the drastic lack of community to bring it to light more quickly so that I could begin to process this thoroughly the way I needed to.

Today, as I reflect on these things, I realize how blessed I am that I have a few women who are becoming deeper friends as we have begun to reveal the "other" parts of ourselves beyond our motherhood identities. I also remember that, thanks to my husband's nudge and blessing, I took Emi with me to see a few close (but non-mother) friends in Seattle when she was 6 months old and those women reminded me what it was like to bring the rest of Lindsay out to play, so to speak. I think that trip helped me remember who I was before becoming a mother so that I could return to Sacramento on a mission to become a more cohesive person again--woman, mother, wife, friend, spiritual director, runner, reader, crafter, etc.

emiko evangeline :: the birth story

people have been curious how the birth went, so here is my attempt at writing it out.

but, first the end result (for those who don't want to read the whole thing):

Emiko Evangeline Demary
{Emiko means "beautiful blessing child"}
Born Thursday, June 20th, 2013 at 7:32am
Weighing 9 pounds, 3 ounces
Measuring 21.5 inches in length
She had dark brown hair from the start and her eyes are showing to be a beautiful blue just like her daddy's (and 3 of her grandparents).

i'm all about context and i feel like it's hard to understand some of the details of this story without at least a little bit of context, so here's how the days/weeks leading up to her birth went...

Emiko was due june 7th (though we'd been given a few dates and had told most people the later one: june 10th... this was because we heard how common it is for first babies to be "overdue" by about 10 days, so we thought this would give us some cushion without people worrying or bugging me too much. little did we know she would go even further past the typical 10-day-past-due mark!)

Randy was set to graduate from Fuller on june 15th, so we wondered if Emi would decide to come early enough to attend graduation as a baby or if she'd stay in long enough to attend from her womb perspective...

as graduation day drew near, we started praying she'd stay in a little longer, mostly because Randy came down with a bad cold and fever on june 10th. terrible timing! we knew he wouldn't be able to
 companion me through labor the way we had planned and hoped for if he was sick and sleep deprived.

at our 40-week appointment with my midwife Lori, she encouraged us to start some natural means of inducing labor. we decided to wait until the night of graduation (why try to induce it the day before graduation when i really wanted to attend this important event in Randy's life?). this is where the breast pump we registered for came in handy... (note: nipple stimulation is one of the natural ways to induce labor used by many midwives.)

not much happened as a result of the breast pumping until tuesday at 1:30am when my water broke. thankfully, we had just taken Randy to a clinic to get checked out (we wanted to make sure he didn't have anything serious and get him stronger medicine to kick the rest of the cold he had been fighting for a week). he was starting to feel better and was just beginning to sleep well for the first night in over a week when i woke him with the news of my water breaking.

we called Cherish (midwifery assistant). she told me to go back to bed and that labor would probably start on its own within 12-24 hours. i went in to the birth center about 12 hours after my water broke to have the baby checked and Lori was pleased with how she was doing. i was given instructions on how to avoid infection (the main concern with my water having broken) and was told to continue with the breast pump,  add some homeopathic remedies to my regimen and start checking my temperature regularly.

at this point, Randy and i both started feeling like this was a lot of work to just get labor started... i knew that labor itself would be work, but not the process of getting my body to start labor. i was beginning to feel emotional and tired, worrying about why my body wasn't starting labor on its own.

4am wednesday morning, i started feeling contractions (hooray!). we continued everything from the day before (per Lori's instruction) and finally started getting some consistency and intensity by late morning. at this point, they were lingering but not progressing fast enough, so Lori suggested we buy castor oil and try that method of inducing labor. this is not a fun process--it basically does a number on your digestive system to get your bowels really moving in an effort to stimulate contractions. it was getting later in the day and we began to be nervous about traffic driving out to chino (from 3-7, it would be miserable to sit in the car having contractions in the middle of really bad traffic). so, with encouragement from my parents (who were in town still from Randy's graduation), we decided to drive out to Chino and get a hotel room just in case contractions suddenly increased. by the time we made this decision and had the castor oil in hand, the contractions had increased enough that we called Lori and she said i didn't have to do the castor oil thing (praise the Lord!)

we set off for the hotel in Chino, with me pumping in the back seat. (good thing we got the travel system!) contractions continued and were finally consistently 3-4 minutes apart and about 1 minute long. after consulting Lori we stopped around 7pm and visited with my parents for a few minutes, but the contractions slowed again. this was very disappointing for me! we restarted pumping around 9pm, called Lori at 10pm and were told to stop and go to bed. she said we should get rest and wait for the morning.

well, around midnight, the contractions started up strong and fast again completely on their own. i laid in the hotel bed trying to time them with an app on my phone for about two hours, waking up Randy here and there to tell him how serious it was getting. (the poor guy was so sleep-deprived from the previous several days, that he just couldn't stay awake with me.) around 2:30am, i woke him and said i thought we should call Lori. we told her how frequent and long the contractions were and she finally agreed that i was in active labor, though she warned us it could still be several hours before any real action. i was pretty adamant about going to the birth center sooner rather than later, so we agreed to meet there.

we arrived at the birth center around 3:30am. my vitals were checked and i immediately got into the tub. once i got accustomed to contractions in the water, there was no getting me out! Lori sat with me and walked me through several contractions encouraging me to visualize being on the water, treating each contraction as a series of waves gradually increasing in intensity until i reached the crest, and then gradually coming down off of each one. it helped SO much! Randy listened to her coaching methods and then talked me through the rest of my labor the same way. the most wonderful thing about water was that i could concentrate on just trying to float (rather than telling myself "just relax")... as i focused on floating, my body naturally relaxed more and the contractions seemed much more bearable. even as they grew in intensity, i stayed in my zone of visualizing waves, breathing and groaning through each one. as Randy and Lori listened to my breathing and groaning, they could almost always tell how intense and long the contraction was. this was how Lori could tell how my labor was progressing.

around 6am, i felt a really long and strong contraction that compelled me to push (though i wasn't trying to). i literally felt the baby moving further down inside of me. at this point, i told Randy to get Lori because i knew i was going to need to start pushing SOON. he texted my parents (who had just left to get breakfast) and got Lori and the other attendants to start setting up for delivery. i started pushing around 6:50am and Emiko came out at 7:32am. when her head was crowning, Lori told me i could reach down and touch my baby's head (!!!). when i did, i felt her full head of hair and was so happy because in the several days leading up to her delivery, i had begun to have a feeling that my baby girl would have dark hair from the beginning. that was a nice little happy distraction for me to get through the rest of pushing her out.

she was born into water and Lori saw that the cord was wrapped around her body 4 times--twice around her neck, once around her torso and another time around her legs. Lori quickly twirled her in the water to untangle her and brought her up to my chest. we immediately heard Emi cry a little, but it wasn't the strong cry Lori was looking for, so there was a tiny bit of resuscitation done while she was on my chest before we heard a good cry. due to the cord being around her neck, she had been unable to get the fluids squeezed out of her lungs in the birth canal the way most babies would, so she just needed a bit of help.

overall, i am so happy with how things turned out. i had the natural birth i wanted and loved being in water. i highly recommend laboring and/or giving birth in water to any who have thought about it before. :)

we feel so blessed to have had our baby at Ancient Paths Midwifery with our midwife Lori and her assistants Cherish and Beth. Cherish had taught the birth class Randy and i took and we felt extremely helped by the relaxation techniques we learned through it. the visualization of waves and water that Lori and Randy used while i labored in the tub were easy for me to use because of all of the relaxation practice we had done through the class.

so, there's the story.

we are so in love with Emi and though having a newborn is very challenging, we are loving learning about her, caring for her and figuring out what it is to be a family of three.

Unca John, Tractors & Conversation Hearts

Today, my family gathers in Salinas, CA to celebrate the life of my uncle, lovingly known as "Unca" John.

Since I'm 9+ months pregnant, I celebrate with them from LA, though it hardly feels adequate... Clearly, I am unable to travel at this point, so I have kept up with details of the memorial and have tried to be as involved as possible over the phone.

I woke up this morning to find an email from my sister. At one point, she was possibly taking the role of sharing the eulogy, so she shared her draft with me and other family members. Her words were beautiful and captured so well who my uncle is and was.

My earliest memories of him are of sharing a home with him in Yuma, AZ. As my dad's eldest brother and a co-owner of the family business (Fanciful Co.), he lived with us during some of his bachelor years. It was fun to have an uncle live with us. He would tickle us kids and tease us constantly. But best of all, every Valentine's Day, he would pass out boxes of conversation hearts. I don't know very many uncles who so consistently gave his nieces Valentine candy... This was something I looked forward to for years.

He was also the tractor man. In the three-part leadership of Fanciful Co., Unca John was in charge of the tractors, mechanics, and shop while my dad acted as harvest manager and my other uncle as business manager. Unca John showed a consistent expression of creativity by being super efficient with tools and parts and coming up with crazy ways to utilize the random scraps of metals and other materials he ended up with. Think Real Simple's "new uses for old things." He would have been a great contributor to that part of the fantastic magazine. One example that I love is his creation of lit up Christmas snowmen (in Yuma, AZ, aka the desert) out of tractor wheel wells. Even though earlier in my childhood we joked that he was a Scrooge for sleeping through parts of Christmas Day, he sure knew how to celebrate the Christmas spirit... In the desert, no less... And with quite innovative ways!

You have to understand that Unca John was a big guy who could come off a little gruff and tough at times. We always knew there was a soft side there, but that became much more visible when he met and married Aunt Micky. Not only did her lovely demeanor bring out more of his tenderness, but so did her dogs! Before too long, Unca John couldn't go anywhere without an entourage of small dogs. It started with one chihuahua and later became three different small breed dogs. With all the dog names starting with the letter "M", he soon began to sign every written correspondence to family and friends with a paw print and "3M".  Minnie (who died a few years back), Maxie, Morgan and Molly are practically cousins.

On a more serious note, my sister's words have caused me to reflect on the wonderful way in which my uncle believed in people and always looked for ways to give people a chance to thrive. He has given numerous people in my family (and countless others) their first jobs. My eldest sister and brother were paid $.25/hour to chase chickens out of the crop fields when they were young. My other sister and I were paid to sort nuts, bolts and other odd parts in the shop when we were young. Other cousins were also given jobs when they needed a summer gig to put on their résumés. He also paid one sister (maybe both) and then me to clean his house for him. While I did this job, I realized how truly simple my uncle was in that his laundry literally consisted of 3 loads: plaid shirts + denim, white undershirts, etc. and towels (the suspenders didn't need washing). He was content to wear the same kind of outfit every day, for every occasion.

He never fathered any children of his own, but had several step-children, thus ushering him into the role of grandpa to many in the last several years. He was truly a deeply loving, strongly loyal, and very generous person. He was always looking for ways to make people laugh, pull pranks and keep life/work/lunch/Easter egg hunts/anything more fun. I cherish these memories of my uncle and hope to find ways to keep his life and memories treasured.

He died May 8th after having been in the hospital for about 2 months. Having needed a kidney transplant for awhile, heart surgery had become necessary to help his body be better prepared for the future transplant. It started with heart surgery in March, turned into pneumonia and then just became too much for his body to handle. We take comfort knowing that he went peacefully in the end.

Hopefully I can find some pictures to post soon.

Cal Poly Pomona XA

Recently, I heard from the current staff leader of my (Lindsay's) old campus group at Cal Poly Pomona.

Ironically, the leadership team flip-flopped from being primarily female-heavy to male-heavy in the course of my time there. For the majority of my time there, it seemed that all I could find were available women who wanted to step into leadership. But by the time I left, I said goodbye to a primarily male group of willing leaders.

Today, I spent some time looking through the current website of the group and was overjoyed as I read through the bios of leaders serving. There are still more men in leadership than women, but they have now recruited two women (hooray!) to join the ranks. Additionally, the majority of the people serving are in their earlier years of schooling there. This is a huge praise report! It is so clear that God has been divinely leading and very much at work in bringing these young people together to serve on a campus that so desperately needs the love of Christ to be exhibited and shared. They are doing large group gatherings more frequently now than ever (every other week) and have 3 weekly Bible study groups that meet.

I guess I just wanted to brag a bit about God and these awesome young people. And, of course, thank so many of you out there who have prayed and given to make it possible for the initial seeds to be planted on that campus. I'd say these are signs of further fruit on that campus.

Check out their website here.

on the celtic daily evening prayer

Randy and I are in the middle of a season filled with waiting, questions, uncertainty, anticipation and transition.

We are waiting for our daughter to be born... (Patiently, because we have plenty to do before she arrives, but with such anticipation at who this little person will turn out to be! :) We wonder if she will arrive before or after her daddy graduates from seminary. [She's due June 10; he graduates June 15.]

We are waiting to hear back from PhD programs and hospital residencies to find out what our future will look like after the summer. (Thus, where we will live, what our financial position will be, whether or not cloth diapering will be realistic, how close we will be to family/friends and so many other questions will finally be answered)

We are waiting on insurance questions and prenatal care questions to know how to proceed with caring for my body and this baby for the remainder of pregnancy.

We are waiting. We are in the process of many things. But most of these things are out of our control.

From this place, I opened my Celtic Daily Prayer book to tonight's evening prayer and I came close to tears. A few times over the past few weeks, I have waited to do my daily Celtic prayer until the evening and each time, this prayer has touched a deep place in my heart. The continual utterance of the phrase, "Today, I believe" challenges me. I want to believe. However, I find it much more difficult to believe when so many of the preceding words resonate with me in such a real way right now.

Though I am poor...
though I am weak...
though anxious of heart...
tried as I am...
though [the way] may be hidden...
though the night is here...
though you be silent now...

But our God is the God of the impossible. He is the God who knows intimately the deepest desires, needs and situations in our lives. He truly is the Sovereign over all creation and knows all things. This is what I [am trying to] rest in each day. This prayer gives words to the cries of my heart tonight. Maybe it will resonate with you also.

:: an evening prayer ::

Lord, you have always given

bread for the coming day;

and though I am poor,

today I believe.

Lord, you have always given

strength for the coming day;

and though I am weak,

today I believe.

Lord, you have always given

peace for the coming day;

and though of anxious heart,

today I believe.

Lord, you have always kept me

safe in trials;

and now, tried as I am,

today I believe.

Lord, you have always marked

the road for the coming day;

and though it may be hidden,

today I believe.

Lord, you have always lightened

this darkness of mine;

and though the night is here,

today I believe.

Lord, you have always spoken

when time was ripe;

and though you be silent now,

today I believe.

from the celtic daily prayer book from the northumbria community

:: a morning prayer ::

thanks to the celtic daily prayer book from the northumbria community, i've found my prayer for the coming lenten mornings.

Canticle

Christ, as a light

illumine and guide me.

Christ, as a shield

overshadow me.

Christ under me;

Christ over me;

Christ beside me

on my left and my right.

This day be within and without me, 

lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.

Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;

in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.

This day be within and without me,

lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.

Christ as a light;

Christ as a shield;

Christ beside me

on my left and my right.

Amen.

updates (since it's been so long since our last post)...

Well, it's been far too long since our last post. Please forgive us!

Much has transpired in the Demary home, with the following highlights being the biggest news:

**We're having a baby! Little baby fumary (combination of my maiden and married names = fumary) is growing fast and is about the size of an avocado at the moment. He or she (we'll find out next month which one) is due June 4th and we are SO excited!

**I (Lindsay) graduate on Friday from Talbot School of Theology at Biola University with a Master of Arts in Spiritual Formation and Soul Care. That basically means I have survived the training and can now officially offer the ministry of spiritual direction and other spiritual formation ministries such as spiritual retreats and spiritual direction groups. I am currently looking to expand my ministry by offering one-to-one spiritual direction, as well as help churches facilitate spiritual retreats. If you know of anyone interested in these types of things, send them my way! I am listed on the Evangelical Spiritual Directors Association website here.

**Randy is in the throes of applying for PhD programs across the US. He's applying to 8 schools (including Fuller, which we hope and pray works out) and we are very much in a season of waiting and trusting that God will continue to guide us and provide for us as he always has and does. We appreciate your prayers as we continue to send in apps and seek God's will with whatever acceptance letters come back.

Since the first trimester of pregnancy has taken most of the pregnancy symptoms of fatigue and nausea away, I hope to be more active on our blog again. 

Merry Christmas to you! 

[avocado photo from here]

slave-free tomatoes :: IJM recipe for change

hopefully randy and I haven't become broken records yet...

IJM is just SO stellar! I feel like every time I turn around, they are on the cusp of whatever new issue I'm hearing about.

this time? it's tomatoes. my friend alison was just telling me about how often tomatoes are farmed using slave labor. from what she's learned, the best way to avoid purchasing such bad tomato slave products are to look for heirloom tomatoes (in general, these tend to come from farms that have labor practices more on the up and up, and are the best to eat.)

this morning, I stumbled upon this awesome campaign that IJM is up to to help end slavery in the tomato farming in the US. yep, you read that right -- tomato slavery exists right here in our first world USA. 

what's even cooler (if it COULD get better than it is already...) is that they are featuring tomato recipes from supporters of the campaign, such as sara groves and the barlow girls. clever, eh? I know, I know, it's obvious that I maybe have a girl-crush on sara. maybe you should, too ;)

[photo from here] 

europe :: the downsides

don't get me wrong. we had a fantastic time in europe! and we are well aware that we are privileged beyond measure to have had the chance to do all that we did the last few weeks. we are grateful... SO grateful. it's just that if you hear us say we can't afford to do certain things in the coming weeks, it's because of the list of unexpected expenses that we are trying to catch up from.

detroit, michigan, usa :: i found an amazing deal on cheapoair (take note) on a ticket from milan to prague for the later part of our trip. but when i went to purchase it, it didn't go through. i called in, spoke with a nice lady with a very thick accent. she offered me an alternative ticket price that was higher than i wanted but the best it was going to be. we spent a long time repeating and spelling things to each other to make sure we were on the same page. i booked this ticket for thursday, august 8th. in looking at the itinerary just before boarding our flight to amsterdam, i realized the flight was actually scheduled for tuesday, august 21st. how can this happen?! how is tuesday translated to thursday?! how is "eighth" translated into "twenty-first"?!? there is no way we'd still be on the continent to even think of flying that far into august anywhere in europe! we're still fighting this one... hoping we get a refund even though they say they don't do such things. oi vey.

amsterdam, netherlands :: plane got in a few minutes late. practically jogged the length of one terminal to the next to get to our gate just in the nick of time. in the middle of our jog, we had to go through security and they confiscated my knitting needles! (have no fear, i was able to thread yarn through my work so it wasn't lost).

 

dusseldorf, germany :: after flying basically all day and night (friday am -- to saturday am), we arrived in germany only to find out that our suitcase (which we had wanted to carry on but due to lack of space in the plane by the time we boarded, was force-checked all the way through)did not follow us all the way to our destination... later on a german student kindly helping us communicate with the airline reported that it was even possibly in barcelona :/

cologne, germany :: our reservation through airbnb for a place to sleep after touring the city with our friend heather wasn't quite as nice as it had been described. let's just say no one wanted to use the shower (even though we all definitely could have used one...)

brussels, belgium :: at an ungodly hour of the morning, we arrived at the ryanair ticket counter to check in for our $27 flight (per person) to italy. 120 euros later we had our printed boarding docs (it wasn't fine print, but using a tiny iPhone screen meant i didn't really read any details about this flight and the necessity of printing your own boarding pass at home. southwest, we love you EVEN more now!) thinking i had checked us in AND paid for our one checked bag, we were surprised to learn that checking our bag would cost another 105 euros. what the...?!?! so our $54 trip to italy turned into more like $300. :(

milan, italy :: i hate to say it because this was truly our favorite leg of our travels, but my how i learned not to rely on having internet on my phone at all times! reservations for hotel bristol for one night. killer deal. google mapped it and took pictures on my phone so when we didn't have internet later we'd be able to find it. only there are TWO hotel bristols in milan. guess which one we went to? and it just so happened that the wrong hotel bristol was on holiday (so a sign on their door told us) so we couldn't even talk to someone in person to find that we were at the wrong one. fail. just over $100 for a hotel close by that was clean, available and offered free breakfast (but not free wifi, therefore i didn't find out about the other hotel bristol until the next day)

oh yeah, and there are three airports in milan. we bought roundtrip tickets for the bus to/from the hotel area, only to realize too late that our flight out of milan was from a different airport than the one we flew into. another fail. thankfully this only cost us about 10 euros.

prague, czech republic :: all was going smoothly and we were saving money in unexpected places. (hooray! even though it wasn't coming close to helping us break even...) while laughing and joking as we walked out of the metro (train) in the city center of prague, we are stopped by a gruff czech officer. apparently, though we had purchased our train tickets, because we didn't validate (and didn't see signs telling us to) we now owed an 800 czk fine (or 35 euros). how's that for deflating our excitement for touring a city we thought would be the least expensive in our travels?!

we still loved all of these places, but feel like we had to learn a few too many lessons the hard way about traveling in them. maybe you can learn from our mistakes!

 

CONNECTing with Students in Europe

To all of you who prayed for and gave toward our trip to Europe for the Students for Christ CONNECT '12 conference, thank you!

We are back home, still somewhat jet-lagged, but thankful for our safe travels, the way God clearly moved in this conference and for the comfort of our beds. :)

Here are some of the main ways we were able to minister:

1) Randy taught two mini-sessions of the Biblical Global Justice course materials, exposing students to the basics of why and how the God of the Bible cares so deeply about issues of injustice. He delved in with these students by going deeper into the issues of Sex Trafficking and the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict, offering well-thought out research and relevant biblical studies. (More on this to come!)

2) Lindsay taught one class on "Engaging God in the Everyday" -- focusing on broadening views on prayer and how one can connect with God, based on knowledge of one's personality traits and understanding of the myriad types of prayer Christ followers have practiced from ancient times to now. 

(This was one of our favorite moments of the corporate meeting times -- where each country represented in the room brought a flag and prayer requests so that those present could walk, pray and worship as we lifted the people of Europe to the Father.)

3) Additionally, Lindsay and a missionary from France got to meet with several students and staff for "listening prayer" appointments. These were some of the sweetest moments of hearing (and seeing) where God has been at work in some deeper areas of these dear ones' lives and then together listening for what God might communicate to them further. (More on this to come also!)

4) Lastly, due to an unexpected cancellation of the childcare workers, Lindsay ended up working with the 3-6 year-old class almost every day, teaching the missionary children while their parents served in various roles throughout the conference.

It's Europe time!

Randy and I have both been working hard this week prepping for Europe -- getting our notes together to teach our classes, packing, finishing some final touches and edits on the Biblical Global Justice resources that became available TODAY! Check it out: here.

We invite you to pray (and keep praying!) for traveling mercies, energy despite jet lag, discernment as we speak and teach, and opportunities to speak the truth in love wherever we go and to whomever we are with.

Our itinerary is as follows:

July 27 :: Depart LA en route to Dusseldorf, Germany

July 28-August 4 :: Dusseldorf/Cologne, Germany for CONNECT conference with Students for Christ, Europe

August 4-5 :: Explore Cologne with Lindsay's former XA student from Cal Poly Pomona (who is working on her masters in an engineering program in Stuttgart, Germany)

August 5-8 :: Visit with Randy's old XA buddies (from UL Lafayette) in Brussels, Belgium (they are XA missionaries to university students over there)

August 8-9 :: Overnight trip to Milan, Italy to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary (which was last week) :)

August 9-12 :: Check out IBTS (Ph.D program that Randy will apply to) in Prague, Czech Republic (don't worry, we wouldn't need to live there; it's just another way Randy could work with a Fuller professor through a different [hopefully less expensive] school)

August 12-13 :: Return to Dusseldorf

August 13 :: Depart Dusseldorf en route to LA

Ciao!

Trade as One :: change lives with everything you buy

Trade as One, a Santa Cruz-based organization, sparked my interest about a year ago when my eldest sister (people still ask who's older when they see us together) volunteered for them for awhile.

They offer TONS of products in their online shop AND promise to ship things the same day (as long as orders are placed before 1pm). That's not too shabby, if you ask me.

Similar to Heavenly Treasures and many of the other companies I've researched over the last several months, Trade as One claims the following as their mission:

Our mission is to use fair trade to promote sustainable business 

and break cycles of poverty and dependency in the developing world. 

We all have a conscience. 

We want to make sure people get the chance to use it when they shop. 

As I quickly perused their website today, I realized that they have done a bunch of research for me (and you!) in regards to which brands commit to the Fair Trade standard. Hooray! Remember my hunt for chocolate brands that I could buy without the fear of participating in child slavery in the process?? Trade as One sells the same brands I found I could support.

I'm hooked. I think that when I cannot find a local place where I can buy things like chocolate, tea, and gifts, I'm going straight to their website. Check them out here.

*Image found here.

  

Hapa Handmade :: etsy shop

Most of you have probably noticed that I started a little Etsy shop recently. [If you don't know what Etsy is, you're about to enter into a whole new world of all things handmade, creatively re-done and just straight up clever ideas!] Over the holidays last year, my grandmother and her sister taught me how to knit and crochet and I basically just haven't stopped having a knit or crochet project in my hands since.

First it was frustrating as I learned how to stay consistent with my stitches. Then, I felt adventurous in finding patterns I thought I could follow. And all of a sudden, the obsession turned into a freeing way of expressing creativity (most of which I didn't even realize was hiding in there!).

So, I thought I'd share the shop with you all here.

Two of my dearest friends, Angi and Davinah, kindly offered their stunning creativity in calligraphy, photography and design to create my logo:

Isn't it pretty?

Oh, and since almost everyone asks why it's called "hapa" handmade, I'll explain the inspiration:
Since it was my Japanese grandmother who invited me into the world of yarn, knitting needles and crochet hooks, it seemed fitting to choose a name that reflected something of my Japanese heritage. Ever since my siblings and I were kids, we have taken much pride in our identity as being half-Japanese (and half-white mix from my mom). We learned early on a slang word for people of our kind: "hapa." It basically means "half", but is often used to refer to half-Japanese or half-Asian mixed heritage people. So, there you go. Now you know the background to my shop name. :)

Pasadena Farmer's Market :: Locations & Times

Just thought I'd share the info on local farmer's markets...

We have three options in Pasadena:

1) Tuesday :: 8:30am-12:30pm :: Villa Park Center, 363 East Villa Street, Pasadena :: 626.449.0179

This is the one I have gone to for the past month. If you wait until noon or so, 

they often will give you better deals because they don't want to take produce back to the farm. :)

2) Wednesday :: 3:30pm-7:30pm :: El Molino Avenue & Union Street (northeast corner)

3) Saturday :: 8:30am-12:30pm :: Victory Park, 2900 block of North Sierra Madre Boulevard, at the intersection of Sierra Madre Blvd and Paloma Street (in front of Pasadena High School)

Farmer's Market

One thing Randy and I have learned is that a better way to promote more ecological living and fair trading is to buy local. 

 For example: buy from a Farmer's Market! 

The produce hasn't had to be shipped thousands of miles 

(which eliminates the waste of gas and environmental harm), 

 your options are more focused on what's in season 

(rather than importing things we want that are only in season in other countries),

you're buying directly from the farm/farmer 

(more directly than through any supermarkets I know).

I've included pictures of our most recent farmer's market visit. 3 bags of carrots, one honeydew melon, 4 squash, 2 bell peppers and 3 baskets of strawberries. 

(All for under $20!)

Heavenly Treasures :: Fair Trade Federation Member

I must apologize for being behind on my discipline of blogging every week about a Fair Trade product or company. I'm sorry!


But, here I am again, attempting to highlight a company that is well worth purchasing from.


Heavenly Treasures practices the motto, "Every product represents a changed life." Having been acquainted with the founder's son (ahem, actually dated him, but we've all moved on now!), I got to see up close and personal what these people are about. 

With micro enterprises in countries like Bolivia, Cambodia, Ethiopia, Kenya, Kyrgyzstan, India and many other places, they are fulfilling their mission of providing a "livelihood project" for underprivileged people to make a consistent living. How? These micro enterprises offer jobs to (mostly) women, in which they are taught how to make a certain handicraft, which is then sold for a fair price through Heavenly Treasures. Much of the business has run off of donations in order to keep a high standard in the payment and treatment of these women. 


I love this:
 100% of the sales proceeds are reinvested back into the livelihood project.  The funds are used to ensure an ongoing market and source of income. When possible, funds are designated for special needs, equipping seminars and equipment.

Throughout college, since the shop is literally down the street from APU, I would go and shop for family members when it was their birthday or Christmas was coming. I mean, who wouldn't appreciate a gift that comes with a story? I could literally tell my grandma that the person(s) involved in making her apron (or scarf or whatever) have a consistent income and better life because of this organization. Isn't that cool?

Kathy Gaulton, the founder, is a woman to be admired for her endurance, business sense, compassion and love for God. What's so fascinating about her story is that she worked in the secular business world for a few decades before she took all that she learned and built Heavenly Treasures out of it. What a beautiful picture of God taking the skills and experiences of her past and using it to create a wonderful way to minister to and aid some of the most needy around the world. 

Check it out: HeavenlyTreasures.

Photos from here and here.

European University Students :)

Well, you have probably already heard, but Randy and I are going to Europe this July!


We are so excited that Randy was asked to teach on Biblical Global Justice at the international conference taking place in Cologne, Germany. Students from all over Europe will be joining us at CONNECT 2012 -- a conference put on by Students for Christ, Europe (basically SFC = the European version of Chi Alpa). Not only will Randy teach several sessions on BGJ, but I will also have an opportunity to teach a session. I am able to choose my topic (sweet!) and Randy and I narrowed it down to this:

Engaging God in the Everyday

God created us so uniquely, so why do we take a “one size fits all” approach to connecting with Him? This session will enrich your spiritual life by exploring various forms of prayer and helping participants to better understand their own spiritual temperaments.

I am eagerly thinking and praying about how to bring some of the most impacting aspects of my training over the last few years to these dear students. Would you pray with me in advance for their hearts -- that they would be open to pursuing connecting with God in different ways, that they would be drawn by the Holy Spirit to this session, that God would speak very clearly to my heart as I prepare and give this teaching.

Prayer is such a powerful, yet simple thing. It's amazing to me just how transformative experiencing prayer can be. Though it gets talked about as this mysterious, ethereal experience (it is mysterious -- don't get me wrong)... It really is a very simple concept of posturing oneself in an attitude of openness to connecting with God. It can be one in which you pour your heart out to God verbally, mentally or physically... or it can be a completely silent experience (both internally and externally) in which the action and verbage is coming from the Almighty God. You may walk away feeling a distinct something from that time of connecting with God or feeling absolutely nothing. But no matter what you do, say, read, write, sing or think, coming to God with a desire to be open to connecting with him is the only necessary thing. 

The heart behind a topic like "engaging God in the everyday" is to bring a few more ideas to the table on what engaging with God could actually look like. Too often, we (rightly) speak in vague terms about prayer and leave it at that. Yes, prayer is vague (because it can take such different forms for different times and people), but there are actually concrete ideas on how to approach prayer. This is what I hope to encourage students with.

Do you go crazy in an empty room trying to pray? Try taking a walk and conversing with God about what you see or what comes to mind. Do you get distracted by walking by people and things that might make your mind go on a tangent? Try sitting with a journal in hand so that as your body writes what your mind is thinking, there is more coherence in your body as you pray. Or maybe grab some crayons, paper and magazines and create a drawing or collage of things that express your heart. Maybe a recitation of a prayer from the early church would be helpful for you to memorize and pour over, allowing your heart to soak up the rich meaning in such carefully chosen words. Maybe reading Scripture with a prayerful attitude, personalizing it to where you are would be a helpful starting point. Maybe approaching a passage of Scripture intellectually, studying and digging into the symbolism and language brings you to a place of closeness with Christ Jesus. The sky is the limit!

In case you're interested in finding out more, I plan on using some of these books as references to prayer practices:

Prayer

Sacred Pathways

The Only Necessary Thing

Spiritual Disciplines Handbook

Lindsay's Practicum Completed :: Joining the ESDA

Well, after a year and a half of rigorous training and lots of classes on how to be a spiritual director, I am happy to announce that I have completed my training! :) As of last month, I have finished training and am able to "do" spiritual direction as a vocation.

What is spiritual direction, you might ask?
"Christian spiritual direction is primarily a ministry in which one Christian (the director) helps another (the directee) to discern God’s presence and activity in the directee’s life and also the directee’s reactions and responses to God’s activity. It is often said that the real director in spiritual direction is God, while the human spiritual director is more of a witness, one that points to God’s activity on behalf of the directee. Spiritual direction can also be done in a group context, in which a group of Christians together prayerfully seek to discern God’s activity in the life of a fellow believer." -- ESDA

A few of the things I love about this ministry are:
*there is a high expectation that a spiritual director will understand and initiate proper self-care (physically, emotionally and spiritually) so that the ministry to others will not be hindered by burn out, exhaustion and other things that can accumulate from an over-filled life/schedule/etc.

*there is also an ethical mandate to stay in some sort of supervision, i.e. peer accountability, in which the spiritual director can work through issues that surface through the process of giving spiritual direction with another trained spiritual director or directors.

*the possibilities of using this training (largely in listening, discerning and asking questions) are endless -- I hope to meet one-to-one with people, with groups, offer retreats, and serve the church in whatever ways seem appropriate.

Now that training is complete, I have joined a group of Evangelical Spiritual Directors, ESDA. From their website (in collaboration with the Evangelical Center for Spiritual Wisdom), they offer a list of how to find a spiritual director in your area. I am now officially on the list of spiritual directors. If you're interested, check out the list here.

Homeboy Industries :: Jobs not Jails

Randy and I stumbled across Homeboy Industries a few years ago. We fell in love with their chips right away because they are so tasty! And then we read the label and we knew we'd never buy any other tortilla chip brand again (as long as we have the option). Their motto? "Jobs not jails"... Thanks to Ralph's down the street, we have easy access.

**Available in most Southern California area Ralphs, Food 4 Less and other fine stores in the deli section.

Here's why:

"By offering multi-level solutions, Homeboy Industries recognizes that moving beyond gang life is a process, and that re-directing lives in a positive direction strengthens not only the individual, but also that person’s family, providing a more constructive, healthy environment for their children, and, by extension, to the community at large."


What they offer:
*employment services
*case management
*tattoo removal
*mental health, substance abuse and domestic violence services
*solar panel installation training and certification program

Really, what better business model can we support? They sell fine products and have a wonderful mission -- serving both those that want to eat (like u) and those who need help getting out of hard situations (like the ex-gang members and others). They even have a Homeboy Bakery line that our favorite coffee shop Intelligentsia sells.

Not to mention, this whole thing started because a Jesuit priest saw a need in the communities around him in which so many young people were being pulled into gangs and violence. Check out Father Greg's story here. You just might be inspired. :)

[photos from here and here]