it's one of those phrases that haunts me much more than i want to admit:
not enough laundry done.
not enough of the house clean.
not enough money.
not enough time.
not spiritual enough.
not enough prayer.
not enough discipline.
not enough exercise.
not enough homework done.
not a good enough wife/friend/auntie/sister/student/spiritual director/etc.
not a good enough retreat/quiet time/etc.
not enough done for chi alpha.
not enough time given to my community coordinator position at fuller.
not enough phone calls made to people i love.
it just never seems like it's "enough." but, here in this beautiful little cabin, i'm reminded of the God whom i serve...
*he provided this perfect little spot for a mid-semester retreat.
*it was *free* because randy and i are ministers with our church fellowship.
*i have a husband who encourages me to take this time, a schedule that allowed for it, and a master's program that requires it from me -- all blessings!
*i was truly able to enter into the freedom of embracing myself in the places where it doesn't feel like "enough"... in the solitude and space that God so graciously provided. knowing no one and no one knowing why i was here opened a whole new world of relief from the expectations of anyone but my Jesus. and we had a lovely time. he reminded me that all these places that feel like "not enough" are okay. where he wants me to work at things or grow, i can look to him, but it really is okay (and just plain the way life is) to have areas in life where it's just not "enough".
[i was fascinated by the temperature at the bottom of the mountain reading somewhere near 80 and then finding it at least 20 degrees colder and some snow-covered spots up where i retreated. snow always brings a healthy reminder of what psalm 51 means when it says that God can purify us and make us white as snow. for this california girl, there are only so many moments in the year where this spiritual truth can be seen in such a physical way.]
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