simple revelations...

after three years of seminary -- and not just any kind of seminary (the Institute for Spiritual Formation is quite unique!) -- some things are starting to make sense...


let me explain: before starting seminary, my approach to intimacy with God was typical. the pursuit of a regular routine of time in prayer, journaling and reading scripture was the main framework within which i hoped to experience God.


at different points in seminary, my ideas of how to love God and how to pursue intimacy with such an "other" being have been challenged to the point where i wondered what really was important. is it the physical discipline towards consistency? (after all, the closest thing on earth to relating to God's loving relationship is the choosing-love of marriage. so, then even when i don't feel like pursuing God, i still should, right?) or is it the issue of the "heart"? (does it mean the same thing if i come to God with being motivated by pure love and adoration? for that matter, is it even possible to possess a pure heart in this life?)


i'm so grateful to have been exposed to, been encouraged and given space to experience, and learn about so many different avenues through which people since the beginning of time have connected with God. truly, the sky is the limit! if God is omnipresent (which i fully believe is true), then i can connect with him in any way. i can knit or crochet "with" the Lord. i can walk or jog with him. i can enjoy my husband with him. i can play with my nieces and nephews while being aware of him. i can sing and make music with and for him... 


so, this morning, as i sat down in the quiet with a heart longing to pursue quality time with my Jesus, i realized this: what has happened in the last three years of learning, experiencing, wrestling, processing, discovering, and receiving grace in various ways, the "look" of how i connect with God largely is unchanged. i still love pulling out my keyboard, singing, playing, journaling and reading scripture. what's the difference then? i know now that each time i intentionally pursue time with my Lord, it's an opportunity, not an obligation. it's a free choice to act out of love despite feelings. it's not magic. there's no formula to it. it's not an: a + b = c sort of thing. not at all. it's just me being me, where i am, looking in the face of my God and allowing my heart to connect with him through whatever means might be appropriate in that moment. 


maybe this doesn't strike you as powerful and profound, but for me it really is.


and i'm just thankful this morning. for the quiet, the beauty, the learning, the experience and the grace to be me and to be His.


peace ;)